It is time for a therapeutic blog confession. Let’s talk about BF MOM (before facing my own mortality), I watched hours and hours of trashy television. Yes, I own it! Name a trashy television reality show and I was a fan. Dance Moms, The Bachelor, Melbourne Housewives, Married at First Sight and Keeping Up with The Kardashian’s. It didn’t stop there I also binged on Netflix shows like Suits, Stranger Things, Outlander, Gossip Girl and Vikings. I liked that I was numb and able to relax whilst watching these shows. But why was I wasting my time dating the television screen? I thought I had plenty of time to waste!
And then it happened, l was thrown a curve ball with my health. For the first time in 39 years of my life my health and life was being compromised. I was vulnerable and I realised time was precious. Only the experience of the present moment was my true reality and only certainty.
In November 2017 I awoke form my hospital bed in terrible pain and exhaustion. I was seriously ill with the onset of pneumonia after major surgery. I could not move and I did not want visitors (even my own mother and children were told not to visit). So the nurse S put on the television in the background thinking that I may find some comfort or distraction. And that is when I had an epiphany! The thought of listening to endless chatter and noise sending negative messages of drama and unhappiness was not for me. So I buzzed the nurse in and asked her to turn off the television and open the blinds. I wanted to watch the world outside, the birds soaring, the trees, the bright sun, the cars, the planes, the school children and concerned or joyous visitors coming and going. I wanted to witness the day I did not want to be numb. I had little energy at that moment of time but had just enough to observe life around me.
At that was my lightbulb moment, when I realised we are constantly observing the world even when our energy is focused else where. All we surround ourselves with has impact on our thoughts and emotions. So when I arrived home from the hospital still unable to move and get around I read many self-help & nutrition books, I stared out the window at the trees and the birds (I am blessed with bush for my backyard), I intently listened to my children and my husband tell me about their day, I listened to music, I rested, I slept and I mediated. I was healing myself in many ways.
Fast forward many months later and I am returning to normal daily activity. It has become harder to make the conscious effort not to read the news and to not watch television shows that are negative or dramatic or violent movies. However I am trying my best as my romance with television has ended. Now I mainly read, journal and when watching television watch live basketball, romantic comedies and Netflix documentaries on healthy choices.
I am a motivated minimalist enjoying her post break up days.